My sweet, vulnerable girl

Lucy: A girl pushed me into the sandbox today.
Me: Oh yeah?  That must of hurt your feelings.
Lucy: No!  It didn't hurt my feelings!  It broke my heart!

Sweet Dreams

Lucy has been waking up at 2 a.m. with a series of strange requests.  Several weeks ago it was, "Where's my pink drink?"  Two nights ago it was, "I want a mountain of babies!  I can't sleep without a mountain of babies!"  Last night it was, "Where is my balloon?  I must have it tied to my arm!"  Here's to hoping we all sleep through the night tonight without being disrupted by loud iterations of whatever is happening in her dreams.

Gross

Lucy: I love ponies so much I want to eat them!
Me: Eww!  Don't eat a pony!
Lucy: It would be a dead pony.  People love to eat dead things, like cows and chickens.

Ummm ... how to explain the social rejection of horse meat ...

Poop humor

While at an all-you-can-eat seafood buffet ...
Lucy (loudly): Who wants to poop in their pants?!?
(awkward silence)
Me: Lucy, do you need to go to the bathroom?
Lucy: Yes.

We'll never be royals ...

Today we were over working on the new house when I farted.  It happened to be a particularly smelly fart.

Lucy:  Ew!  Mom!  That is NOT royalty!  You're supposed to be a queen, not a farter!

Tone it down

In the checkout of CVS, Lucy is dancing while two elderly African-American women wait in line behind us.
Lucy:  Mom, those women think I'm gorgeous.
Me:  Oh really?  Did they say that?
Elderly Women:  No, we didn't.  But, of course she is.
Me:  And humble too.

Hopeless

We arrived at the beach yesterday and Lucy was so excited, she couldn't fall asleep.  I spent an hour with her, then my mom spent an hour.  Finally, my mom said, "How about I get you some warm milk.  Do you think that will help you fall asleep?"
Lucy (with a dramatic sigh):  "We can only hope."