Poetic language

Mulan: Who is that girl I see, staring straight back at me?
Lucy:  IT'S YOU, MULAN!
Lucy has no patience for poetic language.

Racial generalization

Lucy: One of the volunteers at our school is Canadian.
Me: Oh really? How do you know that?
Lucy: Because she has brownish-white skin and eyes that look more like lines than circles.
Me: Lucy, do you mean Canadian? Or Asian?
Lucy: I mean Canadian! Like Liza Ann's mommy and Maddie's mommy!
Me: I think you mean Korean.
Lucy: Oh yeah, Korean.

So, to my Korean-American friends, next time someone asks you where you're from, just say, "Canada." I'm guessing most Americans have about the same level of cultural and geographic awareness as Lucy does.

My sweet, vulnerable girl

Lucy: A girl pushed me into the sandbox today.
Me: Oh yeah?  That must of hurt your feelings.
Lucy: No!  It didn't hurt my feelings!  It broke my heart!

Sweet Dreams

Lucy has been waking up at 2 a.m. with a series of strange requests.  Several weeks ago it was, "Where's my pink drink?"  Two nights ago it was, "I want a mountain of babies!  I can't sleep without a mountain of babies!"  Last night it was, "Where is my balloon?  I must have it tied to my arm!"  Here's to hoping we all sleep through the night tonight without being disrupted by loud iterations of whatever is happening in her dreams.

Gross

Lucy: I love ponies so much I want to eat them!
Me: Eww!  Don't eat a pony!
Lucy: It would be a dead pony.  People love to eat dead things, like cows and chickens.

Ummm ... how to explain the social rejection of horse meat ...

Poop humor

While at an all-you-can-eat seafood buffet ...
Lucy (loudly): Who wants to poop in their pants?!?
(awkward silence)
Me: Lucy, do you need to go to the bathroom?
Lucy: Yes.

We'll never be royals ...

Today we were over working on the new house when I farted.  It happened to be a particularly smelly fart.

Lucy:  Ew!  Mom!  That is NOT royalty!  You're supposed to be a queen, not a farter!