High Ambitions

Lucy: I want to be a hairdresser for the circus when I grow up.

It's the "for the circus" part that I'm a little worried about.

Potty humor

Lucy's been really into knock-knock jokes lately.  These two are so ridiculous I end up busting out laughing every time.

Lucy: Knock, knock.
Me: Who's there?
Lucy: Hurty.
Me: Hurty who?
Lucy: Hurty butthole!


Lucy: Knock, knock.
Me: Who's there?
Lucy: Shampoo.
Me: Shampoo who?
Lucy: Sham-poopoo Bush.

Every Heartbeat

Me (singing Whitney Houston): I wanna know if he really loves me!  I'll say a prayer with every heart beat!
Lucy:  Mom, that's too many prayers.

Don't step on the grass

Lucy: Don't step on the crack or you'll break your mother's back!
Me: Is that why you think my back hurts today?  You stepped on a crack?
Lucy: Yeah.  I made up another one for daddy.  Don't step on the grass or you'll break you father's -
Caleb: I don't like where this is going.
Lucy:  - back!

Saved again by the 5-year-old's limited knowledge of rhyming words!

Nuggy

Lucy:  I named my belly button 'nuggy'.  Nuggy comforts me.

I can't say I've ever been comforted by my belly button.

Hours of entertainment

Look mom, I invented bug catchers! ‪#‎Breastpump‬ ‪#‎futureengineer‬