That's insulting

It's hard to reprimand a kid who comes up with hilarious insults.  My favorite Lucy insult has been, "You unconscious swine!"  Because, really, you must be pretty dumb if you're being compared to a pig in a coma.

Well ... poop

Lucy: Mom!  I just pooped, but don't worry.  I covered it up like a cat.

My first thought: Oh no, this better not be a treasure hunt.

Upon walking into the bathroom to see that said poop actually made it into the toilet, and was now "covered up" with an entire roll of unraveled toilet paper ...

My second thought: This should be the most interested explanation the plumber has heard in a while.

Art for the masses

Lowe's has a new piece of abstract art greeting customers.  Lucy just dropped an entire quart of white paint in the parking lot.  You're welcome.

Presenting Sir Pea

Lucy sang a song at dinner tonight entitled, "There's a party in my tummy."  Each stanza invited a different food group to join.  Surprisingly, peas and carrots were honored guests.

Live Strong

I have an end-of-the-summer-semester presentation today on a case study of a non-profit. I chose Live Strong. Lucy was kind enough to line up her stuffed animals and be my audience as I practiced presenting on how they dealt with Lance Armstrong's doping scandal. Towards the end she grabs a stuffed dinosaur and wanders away.

Me: Where are you going?
Lucy: To the dentist, so my dinosaur can make his lips strong.

Let's hope the adults in my class this evening get more out of the presentation than Lucy did.

First things first

Lucy: I don't need your help!
Me: Fine.  Then you can make your own dinner.
Lucy (aghast): But I don't even own an oven mitt!

This is, after all, the only obstacle between her and prime rib.

Lucy tries winking

Outwitted again

Lucy: What are you doing?
Me: I'm 'playing dead' until you pick up your toys.
Lucy: MOM! Only possums play dead!
Me: Fine, I'm a possum.
Lucy: No you're not! It's day time! Possums are nocturnal animals!

Touche. You win, Lucy. You always do.

Lucy tries to tell a joke